The adventures of Miss Despina

Are you looking for "the one"?

If so, you could do worse than go to this website.

Hours of fun! Just don’t blame me when it all goes tits-up :)

Jez and I just popped down to town for some cleaning stuff, and decided to go to PC World to buy an ink catridge. It’s a store which I totally shun, incidentally. I think the staff are generally stupid, the quality of service rotten, the products miserable and the whole place just stinks of the mediocrity of corporation. So there.

So I’m standing there in PC World gazing blankly at the ink cartridge boxes, wondering which of the strange numeric codes corresponds to the model of my printer (which has decided it needs to be filled with colour ink before it can print plain black text). And since it’s over a year since I’ve had to buy ink, I really have no idea which cartridge I need to get. A young man comes up to me and says very brightly:

"Hello, can I help you at all there?"

I am grateful to see him.

"Yes," I say, "I’m wondering which ink cartridge I need to get for my Epson. I know that the black ink has a teddy bear on the box but I don’t know which coloured cartridge I should buy, they all look the same."

"Ah…" he said. "Hmmm, you see, I don’t actually work for PC World."

"Whu-"

"But what I can offer you is a promotion I’m doing for users of digital TV! Do you have a digital TV?"

The young man shuffles his feet enthusiatically and is poised, pen in hand, ready to take our details. Jez and I, incredulous, say together:

"We don’t have a TV."

"What? You mean - "

"No, we don’t own a television. Goodbye." 

Tonight, there’s a young salesman eating pizza in front of the TV, wearing the same bewildered expression he was when we left him, and wondering what on earth people who don’t have a television actually do all night!

 *****

Jez and I simply decided that we didn’t have any use for a television. We watched it for about an hour once every month. For culture, we’re Radio 3 addicts and get all our news needs from the BBC website. We have lots of DVDs, hundreds of CDs between us, and we’re both complete bookworms. (In fact one of the best things about meeting him was all the new music and literature I discovered.)

So one day in July I logged onto facebook, and saw a notice saying something like "Jez is feeling liberated from the power of the gogglebox after giving away his telly on freecycle." And I worked it out and realised I hadn’t watched television since the first week in April.

I don’t want to sound like a highbrow culture snob here. I did enjoy certain TV shows (my favourites were Rick Stein and company) but I just couldn’t cope with the crappiness of the rest of it! We only had the standard five channels and had considered upgrading by getting freeview or whatever it’s called, but then we realised that actually, TV had just ceased to be a part of our lives.

Has anyone else had this epiphany? 

Hello everyone. I’m afraid this will be my last proper post for the next few days. I’m off on holiday you see.

Then when I get home I am moving software! Byebye to this user-unfriendly blog - apologies to everyone who’s struggling to get comments through. 

I’m writing this from ever such a strange little "internet and laundry" kiosk under the main railway station in Prague. There’s even a curtain behind me I can pull across if I want to look at porno - I suppose I could try to find that video of myself on youtube! We’ve come to the station stupidly early, and in a couple of hours’ time, we’ll be on a train to Krakow! I’m so excited! Budapest, Prague and Krakow in one year is more than I’d have dreamt of. Photos when I’m home, promise.

When I left you on Friday it was to go the airport to meet Jez (who is lovely, by the way. Really really lovely). I’d dressed for the occasion, thinking of how thrilled he’d be to get of his Paris-Prague flight and see a gorgeous, straight-haired, sultry brunette waiting for him with a secret little smile. As it happened though, I don’t know whether it was the time and effort required to straighten my hair (which happens about once a month) or just the fact that I can’t get organised to save my life, but when I arrived in the depertures lounge, almost tripping over my shoes and splitting another pair of trousers, I felt like a mum who was late picking up her child from school. All the other children have gone home and there’s just your little boy sitting there, looking so cute but so lonely that you feel terrible.

We’ve had a good weekend. On Saturday Jez shocked me by suggesting that we go shopping - we spent about 60 quid in Marks & Spencers. Then we went to Bertramka, where there was a wedding going on, and oh, it was so lovely, and made me so excited about singing there! Really elegant. And then in the evening we met up with the friends who will be getting married there next May. Spent most of yesterday packing - Oh My God, I’m not brave enough to talk about that yet - and then we went out into Prague.

Walking across the Charles Bridge for the last time in a little while, we saw a jazz band strike up playing. They were five old men and whilst the sound was ok, they didn’t seem like they were really into it (although the bassist who had shoved his cigarette between his fingerboard and his tuning peg for safekeeping was quite funny, as was the man playing the cd case as a percussion instrument). They finished their piece, so Jez and I stopped holding hands and clapped them, as you do. And then we realised that no-one else was applauding. I looked around at the twenty or so grumpy tourists sitting on the wall, and before I could stop myself, I just said, "You miserable bastards!" Jez thought it was hilarious.

So we arrived at the opera house to see Manon Lescaut, both looking gorgeous and really enjoying the airy building and the elegant décor. Our tickets were for the second balcony, but since there had been so little interest and so few seats sold - which really surprised me, considering that this is the Prague equivalent of Covent Garden - we were given an upgrade to stalls seats. We managed to ignore the jeans-and-flip-flops-Gee-Honey tourists behind us and wow, what a production! It began in an artist’s studio, and the characters had a Ruddigore moment and stepped out of the paintings, the main picture breaking up and forming the scenery. Act II was in a jewellery box, in delicious powdered wig, Marie Antoinette style, and then the rest of the action took place in 1950’s Le Havre and America. Wonderfully sung by everyone, an excellent production and cast. The chorus were very strong too - however I was a bit sad that they didn’t get a bow, since they worked so hard. I bet they were all in the pub already! Jez and I drank champagne at the interval again - it’s becoming a tradition! I’m so lucky that we’ve been to the opera in Prague together twice. That’s the kind of lifestyle I’d like to get used to - please?

We met up with O on Vaclavské and said byebye, then we went out for a drink with Andrea, who I will miss so much. She is such an angel. She’s frighteningly intelligent and intellectual, and just so kind and giving - for example, she offered us to stay in her flat when we come in May! Then we said goodbye to her and went back to the flat, where Jez talked to me about trains until I went to sleep.

So it’s byebye Prague, and hello Krakow! Thanks for the travel / language tips everybody. We’ll talk when I return.

Despina x 

When I woke up at 7:30 this morning, I was stark naked in a strange bed, in a plush hotel just off Wenceslas Square.

Well, that got you listening!

No, the only reason I was starkers was because I’d stayed out all night and didn’t have a change of clothes. I met my friend O (my old schoolfriend who’s dead crazy) who was here with his mum, a lady who used to teach us, and another friend. When I arrived I think their intoxication levels were already quite high. We drank many G&Ts, ate at a great pub on Wenceslas Square, and went back and drank some more. This morning my worst fears about my behaviour were confirmed when O showed me a video clip in which I am singing Gounod’s Ave Maria and feeling myself suggestively. Then I looked through the sent messages on my phone and quickly sent Jez an apology for the explicit drunken text I’d sent him. But I don’t think he was that bothered really, he’s used to it!

I stayed for breakfast which was wonderful, so many different foods, including the most random item I’d ever seen on a breakfast table - artichoke hearts. Who eats those for breakfast? I stuck with my blue cheese and sausage sandwich and drank about six cups of strong coffee. I didn’t feel any less crappy after this, but at least I could keep my eyes open. Actually, I was incapable of blinking. So we had some more champagne and then we almost felt ready to face the world.

You know I said I was getting a wee bit chubby? Well, operation Shrinking Despina was not a success, which doesn’t really bother me, except that this morning I realised that my trousers had split. The sexy black trousers I’m wearing to kiss the naked man statue. A great big open 2 inch split on the left bumcheek. Now, whilst I do believe my bottom to be peachier and lovelier than the average bottom, I don’t want to walk around Prague with it hanging out for all to see!

Actually you know, today is the first time I’ve ever been sexually harrassed in Prague - well, if you don’t count the Italian bloke (which you shouldn’t, because sexual harrassment and true love are two very different things). Or the Sergei incident (shh)! Today I was crossing the road and a man with a dog started shouting something to me - the only words I understood were "you have" and "lovely". I didn’t know what he was describing, but from his gestures I could tell that there were two of them and they were round.

It was my last day at work today. I’ve realised that laughter, tears, and hugs know no language barriers. I didn’t want to get upset, but oops, I did. But I also know that I will stay in touch with a few people, especially the director - when I am in court for plagiarism and excessive blogging, Alena - who was my mum for three months, Jarka - who is just great, and Simon - who runs the medical museum, is eccentric and intellectual, and has a quirky, dry sense of humour that I adore.

I’m off to the airport now! Woohoo! Finally, the Jezmister is here!