The adventures of Miss Despina

When I woke up at 7:30 this morning, I was stark naked in a strange bed, in a plush hotel just off Wenceslas Square.

Well, that got you listening!

No, the only reason I was starkers was because I’d stayed out all night and didn’t have a change of clothes. I met my friend O (my old schoolfriend who’s dead crazy) who was here with his mum, a lady who used to teach us, and another friend. When I arrived I think their intoxication levels were already quite high. We drank many G&Ts, ate at a great pub on Wenceslas Square, and went back and drank some more. This morning my worst fears about my behaviour were confirmed when O showed me a video clip in which I am singing Gounod’s Ave Maria and feeling myself suggestively. Then I looked through the sent messages on my phone and quickly sent Jez an apology for the explicit drunken text I’d sent him. But I don’t think he was that bothered really, he’s used to it!

I stayed for breakfast which was wonderful, so many different foods, including the most random item I’d ever seen on a breakfast table - artichoke hearts. Who eats those for breakfast? I stuck with my blue cheese and sausage sandwich and drank about six cups of strong coffee. I didn’t feel any less crappy after this, but at least I could keep my eyes open. Actually, I was incapable of blinking. So we had some more champagne and then we almost felt ready to face the world.

You know I said I was getting a wee bit chubby? Well, operation Shrinking Despina was not a success, which doesn’t really bother me, except that this morning I realised that my trousers had split. The sexy black trousers I’m wearing to kiss the naked man statue. A great big open 2 inch split on the left bumcheek. Now, whilst I do believe my bottom to be peachier and lovelier than the average bottom, I don’t want to walk around Prague with it hanging out for all to see!

Actually you know, today is the first time I’ve ever been sexually harrassed in Prague - well, if you don’t count the Italian bloke (which you shouldn’t, because sexual harrassment and true love are two very different things). Or the Sergei incident (shh)! Today I was crossing the road and a man with a dog started shouting something to me - the only words I understood were "you have" and "lovely". I didn’t know what he was describing, but from his gestures I could tell that there were two of them and they were round.

It was my last day at work today. I’ve realised that laughter, tears, and hugs know no language barriers. I didn’t want to get upset, but oops, I did. But I also know that I will stay in touch with a few people, especially the director - when I am in court for plagiarism and excessive blogging, Alena - who was my mum for three months, Jarka - who is just great, and Simon - who runs the medical museum, is eccentric and intellectual, and has a quirky, dry sense of humour that I adore.

I’m off to the airport now! Woohoo! Finally, the Jezmister is here!

I’m a wee bit disturbed by the amount of times I am the number 1 or 2 hit for a really filthy query. Obviously I’m not going to list them here because that will just attract even more attention!

I consider myself to be quite decent in my output - ok, some posts are less than family-friendly, there is a fair amount of sexual content and a few swear words - but I wouldn’t define myself as a full-on sex blog, and I wouldn’t say I had a penchant for naughty words. I’ve actually had to take some posts down and make them private, because I simply don’t want to be visited by people who’d input those sort of queries!

Does anyone else have this trouble?

Within the last week, five friends have come back into my life, all from different directions. Isn’t it just one of the nicest, most refreshing feelings?

As I mentioned, I spent the day with my former teacher and friend *Despina* who I’d not seen since I left college three years ago, and it was effortless and lovely. Andrea, who was living with us in June, came back from Macedonia and moved back into our hotel until her new apartment is ready. It’s been wonderful going out at night, coming back and relaxing with her, and laughing more than I’ve laughed in weeks. My lovely Polish friend who I worked with in Manchester, has moved to London and sent me a long email. I will really really miss her when I go back, but I think she’ll be travelling up fairly often to go to college twice a week - now that’s dedication. A translator who we met and had a great time with in Budapest has sent me an email and started reading my blog - nice to have you here. It’s so easy to lose touch with people even when you say you’ll remain in touch, sometimes living just takes up too much of your time and energy! And then ten minutes ago my best friend from when I was 16 or thereabouts phoned me and said he’ll arrive in Prague tomorrow! He was the maddest friend I ever had, we made tribute videos to all our favourite Eurovision acts, gave our teachers hell (sorry, the ones who didn’t deserve it), and generally were nutters. Sadly we really drifted apart, but he has just become totally amazing in the meantime. I saw him just before I came out here, for the first time in two years.

Tonight is M’s last night in Prague. So Andrea and I are going to go on a one last walk with him, crossing Charles Bridge of course, and all the other touristy lovely bits. It will be so sad!

But guess who will arrive on Friday?

Yesterday I bought

• 2 tickets to see Manon Lescaut at the Prague State Opera on Sunday
• 2 tickets to take a train from Prague to Krakow on Monday
• 2 tickets to watch the Simpsons movie (well I don’t want to die of culture overload do I?)

and only tried to pay by using the word for swim once!

This fills me with hope.

Now there’s some more language geekery I’m afraid, a question aimed at you all, but especially any visiting language experts - you know who you are!

As I said, I’m going to Poland next week. Do you think I’d get a better reception by speaking English, or by speaking Czech? (I’m afraid I only know yes, please, and thank you in Polish. I didn’t try to learn last year as I think two new languages at a time is enough!) Jez will be speaking some Polish (as he did in Prague!) but I’m not sure whether people would think I was being considerate, amusing, or just plain offensive if I spoke Czech there!

Gather round please! No talking at the back please!

I have an award from Jo Beaufoix - thank you poppet! I will display it between my Grade 4 piano with merit and my "Miss Wet T-shirt Richmond 2006", and maybe a couple of the oscars I received for my performances of various ailments.

Jo says she’s given me this award because of the way I’ve described my summer in Prague. What a compliment!

You can see the rules at Writer’s Reviews. I get to pass on any of the various awards there to five other bloggers.

 

Inspirational bloggers

"inspire others through their words and actions. With a positive attitude, and an uplifting spirit these bloggers make the blogosphere a better place, and encourage others to do the same. This award is for bloggers who rise up to set an example but continue to reach out and support others."

Who’s the most inspirational blogger I know?

The Princesse, that’s who. She fits this description perfectly. This award is for you, my love.

Because you remain so positive in the face of everything life throws at you, all the change and uncertainty and problems. You always follow a sad post with a funny post, you’re insightful and realistic, but such a romantic. Your comments box is always lively and your voicethread posts were so sweet! You are just ace and lovely and I would like sometime to say this to you in person.

 

Now, two creative bloggers. Whose blogs are pleasing to the eye, beautiful, and are about all the things I love, mainly music and art.

Step forward please Vivien and Vilaine Fille, you lovely ladies. Viv, even though you blog in Portugese you’d be surprised how much I understand, and I love your choice of artwork and music videos. Vilaine, your playlists sometimes bear a disquieting resemblance to mine, your Pensées and Senza Titolos are wonderfully succinct, and I like that you blog in Italian and French too.

 

This is an award for another inspirational blogger, Kinuk in Poland.

Your posts are very sensitively written, and I think you have the loveliest baby I have ever seen. I love the way you talk about baby A and your experiences of being a new mum. Really, really inspiring.

 

And now, one last blogger, the thoughtful blogger.

Lis, I really wanted to give you one of these before! I love your sense of humour, your photos, and your Supernephew! But also you are clearly a very supportive person, and you always leave such lovely comments on my blog, especially when I clearly need them!

 

*APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE*

Right everybody, it’s time to dry your eyes and wait for the cabaret. What are you going to sing for us tonight, Jez?

JEZ: (via the comments box)

Tonight I shall give a sensitive, tearful rendition of that most beautiful and touching of ballads “Snooker Loopy Nuts Are We, We’re All Snooker…Loopy” by the geniuses of musical creativity that are Chas & Dave.

DESPINA: Oh, thank God! I was scared you’d sing something naff again! And then what? You can’t sell us short!