Psst!
Psst!
A one act love story written in three languages.
The cast:
English Girl (fabulous)
Freaky Man (hairy)
Male Friend (token)
Sexy International Monsieur (suave as hell)
The scene:
The interior of a gothic catherdral in Prague. English Girl is leaning against a pillar, waiting for her friend to come down from climbing the tower. She is serene and rather nice-looking, despite the heat and her desperation to get to the toilet. Suddenly, she is startled by a noise.
Freaky Man: Psst!
English Girl: (looking around her and seeing no-one) Uh?
Freaky Man reveals his presence behind the pillar. He is a 25 year old 5 foot Italian with a lot of facial furniture and a silly hat. He speaks in a whisper.
FM: Ciao
EG: Čau (the Czech form, she is cracking on not to understand Italian)
FM: Sei bella (It: You’re beautiful)
EG: Děkuji (Cz: Thank you)
FM: (Kissing her hand) Ti amo. I lov-a yow.
EG: (Backing away with a smirk) Deki. A mě taky. (Cz: Thanks. Me too.) I love you too.
FM: (Indicating his left hand) Sono sposato. Devo andare. Ti amo. (It: I’m married. I have to go. I love you.)
He gives her one last kiss on the cheek and with that he is gone, lost in the crowd of tourists. English Girl disappears round to the other side of the pillar and doubles up in sadness and grief, thinking of the joy that might have hysterical laughter.
EG: (aside) OH MY GOD YOU ARE A FREAK!!!
Ten minutes later, English Girl and Male Friend are exiting the catherdral. English Girl spots Freaky Man following behind them.
EG: (to Male Friend) Quick, put your arm round me and give me a squeeze! I’ll tell you why in a minute!
English Girl gets home and rings up Sexy International Monsieur. He is clearly in a good mood, and decides to pay her a compliment in the medium of popular song.
EG: You’re so sexy. I can’t wait to see you, I can’t stop thinking about you!
SIM: And I can’t stop thinking about you either. Do you know why?
EG: Is it because I’m so cuddly?
SIM: Well yes, I suppose. And also because "You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful!"
English Girl puts her head in her hands and seriously starts thinking about becoming a nun.
lol@ I lov-a yow. I have heard that in a lot of my dreamy moments but the Italian in these dreams are nothing like your’s :-)Is this a real life story??
Comment by sugar007 — August 21, 2007 @ 3:15 pm
Wow! Sounds exciting… if a little freaky! Oh well, at least it relieved the boredom!
Comment by concertmaster — August 21, 2007 @ 4:46 pm
Did you ever see “Coupling” the sort of Friends-type series but set in London and more sex talk and less glamour? Don’t know why, but your post brings it to mind…
Comment by Lis of the North — August 21, 2007 @ 6:21 pm
When a guy says that in English, he sounds like a pillock. When a suave foreigner says it in his own tongue, women often melt at his feet. Your SIM has obviously spent too much time travelling.
At least he didn’t call you a cabbage or cawliflower!
Comment by toby — August 21, 2007 @ 6:23 pm
now i have that damn song in my head, thanks.
haha
TomC
Comment by ColbyPants — August 21, 2007 @ 6:41 pm
LOL.
Fantastic.
People are so funny.
Hope he doesn’t become a mad stalker.
Comment by Jo Beaufoix — August 21, 2007 @ 9:54 pm
Ha ha - that’s really funny. The Italian certainly does sound freaky…!
Comment by Stratfordgirl — August 22, 2007 @ 12:04 am
- Sugar - Yes, sadly it’s true. And I think you can do better than my Italian! Mr J and I sometimes have stand-up rows in Italian, ust for the fun of it!
- Concertmaster, SG - glad you enjoyed it!
- Lis - didn’t they sell the rights of that to the U.S? Why? Lols!
- Toby - this man would have been a Pillock in any language. SIM draws the line at cabbage or cauliflower, prefering traditional insults.
- Jo - I managed to acquire a Moroccan stalker last year in Italy, I’m on my guard this time!
- Tom C - I’ll try and think of another song to put in your head :)
Comment by missdespina — August 22, 2007 @ 8:37 am