The adventures of Miss Despina

I’ve just joined Meetup.com, in order to go out and speak Italian with Italian people before going away this summer. One chap posted a "hello" to my profile, told me his email address and proceeded to pretty much ask me out over Meetup.com. I don’t know whether to be flattered or offended! Not that I’m particularly looking for a relationship at the moment, after everything that has happened recently, but I enjoy meeting new people and I enjoy dating.

I can see why he asked me: we subscribed to the same meetup, I put up a nice photo and said I was a classical singer, and he is a student of orchestral composition. He offered me to write him an email, I just posted on his profile and said "maybe I’ll see you at a meetup" and he suggested we go and hear a concert together. In a way it’s cool and in a way it reminds me that meeting men over the internet can be such a cop-out. I want everything - the modernity of actively meeting men with similar interests, but also the old-fashioned meeting of eyes across a room, and being romanced.

But he doesn’t seem like a creep. 

Oh, he’s gorgeous, by the way. So I will probably acquiesce eventually. What would you do?

Emails to miss_despina@yahoo.com

I’m a little tentative about my artistic endeavours… 

 

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

 

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Whether or not you are religious, or even a believer, you have to agree that the sentiments expressed in this prayer are beautiful and worthy.

I know someone who embodies this prayer, at the expense of himself sometimes, in that he prefers to heal others rather than looking within. We have to balance looking outwards and helping others, and caring for ourselves. I don’t like looking inwards too much, it’s not healthy and it doesn’t do much for the world. I like looking outwards and helping others, because when I look around me I see others’ needs, and somehow I end up taking responsiblity for them, too much sometimes, because I care.

But it’s the only way. Who doesn’t want to bring hope to those who are despairing, joy to those who are sad, or light to those who are in darkness? It’s not exclusive to people who describe themselves as Christians. I like to think that we are all capable of it. I know what my darkness is and I know that I can’t cope with it sometimes. But I have friends who sometimes find themselves in the same dark place, and I know that I can bring them the light they need in order to cope. And then this helps me to understand, and also to know that I have been an instrument of peace. I seek to console, understand, and love, rather than be consoled, understood, or loved.

But some of the ideas expressed here are really hard for me to get my head around. Sowing love in place of hatred is difficult - I prefer to come away from love or hatred, back to the middle ground of indifference. I can’t cope with hatred and I can’t cope with love right now (but I know that I have been capable of coping with love, and I will be again). Give me indifference and we’ll work from there.

And pardoning injury? Forgiving someone who has hurt me? That’s hard too, I’ve never been good at that. You can’t make yourself forgive can you? Maybe you need to go back to the middle ground of indifference before you can forgive too? I’d welcome help on this point. I’m coping with an immense hurt at the moment, but before I can forgive the other person involved, I have to forgive myself for hurting them back, and also for letting myself get so involved in a situation that I could be so hurt.

And faith in the place of doubt? If you think of it as a religious prayer, then what we’re talking about is a faith in G-d. But I can’t bring faith to people, because my own has only just returned, I don’t yet feel strong enough. What I can do is help others to have faith in themselves, faith in having control of their own destiny, faith in their capabilities, faith that they are in fact brilliant and worthy.

So let me be an instrument of peace, because it’s the only way I can get through the day.

This is Suzy, the silly, cute, loving Staffordhire cross Jez and I got from the rescue centre just after Christmas. She is black with white paws and a white tie, and communicates mainly through wiggling her ears and wagging her tail.

 

She just looked so pathetic standing there in her cage at the dogs’ home, three bigger dogs behind her, and her at the front with her head down, looking up at us with those huge brown eyes. I knew, even then, that there was something special about her. We walked round and round the home - a very upsetting experience actually, I was in tears for the little things - but kept coming back to her. When the man took us into the office with her, I put my hand to her face to introduce myself. She jumped on me and licked me all over my face. I fell in love immediately.

 

She was not a well-behaved girl. The last family had given her up to the dogs’ home because they just couldn’t cope with the amount of attention she required. And when the two weeks of fostering were over, we took her back to the dogs’ home. She had been aggressive, was pulling on her lead, weeing and pooing on the carpet - we decided it was more trouble than it was worth to keep her, so on the Sunday, Jez put her in the car and took her back to the home.

On the Monday, we were back at the dogs’ home, anxiously looking through all the cages wondering where Suzy could possibly be. Taking her back had left such a hole in our daily life, that we realised we couldn’t cope without having her to love. We felt that we had betrayed her by taking her back there.

 

Eventually she was tracked down to the Assessment part of the home. She had been taken by another family within hours of her return to the home, and this other family had brought her back within hours for being "aggressive". Just imagine how confused she was! How could they have sent her out so quickly? Knowing how much it costs to keep a dog for a day, and how overcrowded the home is in danger of becoming, we shuddered to think of what Under Assessment really meant. 

We took her home and showered her with love and affection, and she became part of our family. She made us a family. We started working on her problems, we bought her a harness rather than a choker lead, and taught her a few more commands.

 

Seeing her is what hurts me the most when I go to Jez’s house now. I can’t begin to tell you how much I miss her. I think what I miss most is coming downstairs in the morning and her jumping up and down with excitement, and pretending she’d been in her dog-bed all along and not on the sofa. Or maybe it’s just the constant playfulness, all the tummy-tickling and jumping around, or maybe it’s all her affectionate little ways, her love of cuddles and kisses and stroking, and just lying curled up together. I dream about her most nights.

Love you Suzy!

 

Despina & Suzy