Meetup

I’ve just joined Meetup.com, in order to go out and speak Italian with Italian people before going away this summer. One chap posted a "hello" to my profile, told me his email address and proceeded to pretty much ask me out over Meetup.com. I don’t know whether to be flattered or offended! Not that I’m particularly looking for a relationship at the moment, after everything that has happened recently, but I enjoy meeting new people and I enjoy dating.

I can see why he asked me: we subscribed to the same meetup, I put up a nice photo and said I was a classical singer, and he is a student of orchestral composition. He offered me to write him an email, I just posted on his profile and said "maybe I’ll see you at a meetup" and he suggested we go and hear a concert together. In a way it’s cool and in a way it reminds me that meeting men over the internet can be such a cop-out. I want everything - the modernity of actively meeting men with similar interests, but also the old-fashioned meeting of eyes across a room, and being romanced.

But he doesn’t seem like a creep. 

Oh, he’s gorgeous, by the way. So I will probably acquiesce eventually. What would you do?

Posted: March 31, 2008 Comments (1)

More travel

I’ve just found out I’m going to be spending six weeks in Torino this summer, from mid June to the end of July. I’ll be teaching English to a wealthy Italian businessman, living in his house and being paid for the privilege. So I’ll improve my Italian and learn to teach English. It will be wonderful. After the few months I’ve had, I’ll be so glad to run away. I wish I could go tomorrow.

I’ve decided a Man Ban is in order. This is to help me stop attaching so much importance to relationships and having always to be with someone. I’m too tired out and emotionally drained to face starting anything, when I know that I will just get too involved and end up hurting myself, and worse, someone else. I hate being alone and it would be so tempting to get involved with someone over the next few months, so I could put off facing the day I have to confront myself and my future. I can’t love with half of my heart, but I can’t cope with the responsibility that comes with a relationship. I love opening up to another, but I regret it almost immediately. I’m too jealous, insecure and neurotic about men. So I need to find that comfortable emotional place within myself, and learn to respect and care for myself enough so that when I do meet someone, I can give to the relationship and not be so scared of giving too much, so that I can take from the relationship without draining it.

I’m just in such a mess right now. I want it all to stop. I need… I don’t know what I need.

I feel I can’t cope on my own, but I know I have to learn to. People tell me I’m stronger than I give myself credit for, but right now I feel so weak because everything hurts so much.

Posted: March 14, 2008 Comments (3)

Despina in demand

I’ve been back almost a week now and I have to say that I’m getting increasingly anxious about enrolling at uni, getting my student loan through, and submitting the volumes of paperwork, reports and receipts needed to get the final part of my Prague grant. I have a lot of extra-curricular stuff to organise, language classes to enrol for (Italian stage 2 and beginners’ Spanish) and somewhere in the middle of this lot I have to find a job so I have enough money to pay my phone bill so I don’t have to perform a sexual favour on someone from 3 mobile, or an employee of my bank. Shudder!

But, on the plus side, I have singing work coming in thick and fast, and this doesn’t even include Christmas! This weekend I’ll be singing high mass in a church in Manchester on Friday night and Mozart’s Coronation Mass (with the lovely Agnus Dei) in a church somewhere in the hills on Saturday, and getting nicely paid for both. Then in October I’m doing chorus in a come and sing the Messiah, as I’ve never done a whole one in chorus so it will be a challenge and a good experience. I’ve also just been asked to sing at a venue where I cancelled two years ago, and thought the organisers had (justifiably) struck me off their books - so that’s good. Then in November, a dinner cabaret followed by a lunchtime recital a week later - in my hometown! Finally this prophet is being recognised in her own town!

Then in December, which I’m really excited about, I’m singing in a concert with an opera company I love. We haven’t had an easy time of it recently, but membership is high with 22 of us at the last rehearsal (an a few regulars missing), including a young bass I recruited myself. When I sing there I am surrounded by singers I love and respect, and who are all so accomplished that there is no jealousy, cattiness or upstaging going on. Everyone is too professional for that! There are some stunning voices there, and everyone contributes solos or small ensemble pieces to the concerts, as well as working together to make a tremendous noise in the choruses. I have some brilliant friends up there, I’m so glad I joined them. What I’m more excited about though, is our Pocket Opera / Come and Sing Day, where we’ll be singing A one act opera plus some of our big chorus numbers and a few solos. The point of this day is to raise money, raise our profile in Manchester, and to recruit new singers and audience. Everyone will be welcome to sing, although our members will be singing the principal parts, of course.

I want to audition for a part, but I already have an important job that day. Anyone who speaks Italian will know that it’s a delightful language. However, some people just have a mental block when it comes to singing in anything except English, and some of the singers there on that day might never have sung Italian before. So I am going to coach Italian pronunciation! I was amazed that my offer was accepted actually, but I’m really excited about it. I just need to put together a fool-proof tutorial, run it past a couple of singing friends and the M.D. of course, then go in there and assert myself and do a good job! I also know that my Italian teacher coaches the singers at the conservatoire next to my uni, so he will be a good source of information.

There are auditions in November I’m considering going to for an opera company I have sung with in the past. The advantages of auditioning for this are obvious - it’s a good opera, and any experience is good. However, the company have treated me really quite crappily in the past, both from committee, unwelcoming singing members, and the horrid  talentless stuck-up tone-deaf woman who was running things last time I looked. Don’t get me wrong, I like a lot of the people up there too, I’ve made some nice friends. But if she were on the panel, I could go in there and sing like Anna Netrebko and I could still forget about a part, despite the fact that I have more class in my left tit than she has in her whole being.

I don’t even care if she reads this, I am just sick to death of small-mindedness like hers. Sometimes I worry about who’s reading this and whether it’s going to damage me professionally, but other times I just think Sod It!

Annnd….. I can’t remember my point. But anyway, I feel very happy about the amount of professional singing I’ll be doing over the next few months. I also have my favourite accompanist for most of the gigs - which makes all the difference.

Posted: September 13, 2007 Comments (7)

Psst!

Psst! 

A one act love story written in three languages.

The cast:

English Girl (fabulous)

Freaky Man (hairy)

Male Friend (token)

Sexy International Monsieur (suave as hell)

The scene:

The interior of a gothic catherdral in Prague. English Girl is leaning against a pillar, waiting for her friend to come down from climbing the tower. She is serene and rather nice-looking, despite the heat and her desperation to get to the toilet. Suddenly, she is startled by a noise.

Freaky Man: Psst!

English Girl: (looking around her and seeing no-one) Uh?

Freaky Man reveals his presence behind the pillar. He is a 25 year old 5 foot Italian with a lot of facial furniture and a silly hat. He speaks in a whisper.

FM: Ciao

EG: Čau (the Czech form, she is cracking on not to understand Italian)

FM: Sei bella (It: You’re beautiful)

EG: Děkuji (Cz: Thank you)

FM: (Kissing her hand) Ti amo. I lov-a yow.

EG: (Backing away with a smirk) Deki. A mě taky. (Cz: Thanks. Me too.) I love you too.

FM: (Indicating his left hand) Sono sposato. Devo andare. Ti amo. (It: I’m married. I have to go. I love you.)

He gives her one last kiss on the cheek and with that he is gone, lost in the crowd of tourists. English Girl disappears round to the other side of the pillar and doubles up in sadness and grief, thinking of the joy that might have hysterical laughter.

EG: (aside) OH MY GOD YOU ARE A FREAK!!!

Ten minutes later, English Girl and Male Friend are exiting the catherdral. English Girl spots Freaky Man following behind them.

EG: (to Male Friend) Quick, put your arm round me and give me a squeeze! I’ll tell you why in a minute!

English Girl gets home and rings up Sexy International Monsieur. He is clearly in a good mood, and decides to pay her a compliment in the medium of popular song.

EG: You’re so sexy. I can’t wait to see you, I can’t stop thinking about you!

SIM: And I can’t stop thinking about you either. Do you know why?

EG: Is it because I’m so cuddly?

SIM: Well yes, I suppose. And also because "You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful!"

English Girl puts her head in her hands and seriously starts thinking about becoming a nun. 

Posted: August 21, 2007 Comments (8)