The adventures of Miss Despina

Anne my love, thanks for tagging me in this insightful meme, and shaming me into blogging again! 

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? Many things! I lived in a foreign country for three months, I did two singing and acting roles on the stage at the Royal Northern College of Music (one was the main role). I moved house six times. I ate octopus. I got fined by two Hungarian ticket inspectors, and a Czech policeman. I painted my toenails turquoise. I heard jazz in central Europe.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? If I made any last year, I probably didn’t keep them. I have a few resolutions for next year, but the main ones are to put more effort into doing things socially as a couple with Jez, and to take control of my depression.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No-one in the UK!

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit? Scotland, Poland, Hungary, Czech Republic.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Stability. Please!

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 11th - one year of Despina and Jez. And all the dates I counted down to in Prague. Concert dates too, 13th November in particular.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Learning to speak Czech!

9. What was your biggest failure? Not doing as well as I could have done in uni.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? One bad chest infection, cutting off the top of my thumb, styes, and of course the ubiquitous depression.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A brown and cream silk skirt, a la Audrey Hepburn, with matching brown ballet pumps shoes (I’ve had it 6 months and worn it once!) Also, a shedload of sheet music!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Jez has been amazing this year. Many friends have been very good to me, but Jez’s capacity for supportiveness, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, and pure love, remains unmatched. Mags has been here for me both physically and virtually, and passed all her exams second time round. Mum turned her back on a horrible career and is now enjoying being a retired lady of leisure. Dad coped with redundancy, bounced back and is now doing a bit of everything, being wonderful as always (but is working a bit too hard). Kyne was also a really good friend in Prague, dragging me out to the pub and various places, when I just wanted to hide, and making sure I ate properly.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? My own, recently.

14. Where did most of your money go? Phone bills, I think!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Moving house recently with Jez, seeing Don Giovanni / Manon Lescaut in Prague, dancing on the Danube, seeing Jez after 6 weeks without him, making Christmas, going to Budapest, singing in Czech, learning Glitter and be Gay and hitting the highest notes I’ve ever sung, playing Yum-Yum, being thin enough to wear my favourite dresses, hearing Rachmaninov 2nd symphony, and many, many more things!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Too early to say, but certainly any Klezmer or anything by Lakatos, or Julie Fowlis, or the Pulp Fiction soundtrack, or Don Giovanni!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? A bit sadder I think, and certainly not richer, but considerably thinner. (I yo-yod between 10 and 14 this year, I’m now a curvaceous 12!)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Travelling in the Czech Republic, making time for my friends, studying.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Working, dwelling on things, being a rubbish girlfriend, abusing my body and my mind, and fucking up my life in general!

20. How did you spend Christmas? In my beautiful new home, with my family and Jez’s family. It was a really perfect Christmas Day, in fact.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? Yes, more and more in love.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Can’t answer this one, as I don’t have a TV!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No. I’ve realised how much energy it takes to hate someone, and no-one is worth that when there are so many people worthy of better than hatred.

24. What was the best book you read? Ooooooh I can’t answer this! I’m currently reading the Philip Pullman trilogy and finding it mindblowing, but I loved The Historan and The Icarus Girl, and Immortality, and Inventing the Victorians.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? That I can sightread!

26. What did you want and get? To have the happiest week of my life. (And the worst.)

27. What did you want and not get? So many things.

28. What was your favourite film of this year? La vie en rose.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 22, and I seem to remember it was the first time I saw the house where I now live, and I thought it was beautiful. Then I think Jez made me something delicious to eat, or maybe we went out somewhere… maybe I was a bit drunk.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More self-belief.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Classic, with a few quirky twists. Three quarter length trousers with ballet pumps, lots of jewellery. Tailoring. Killer heels.

32. What kept you sane? Music.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I don’t really do celeb crushes, but if I had to choose, I suppose Vincent Delerm (Sorry Jez but it is all your fault.)

34. What political issue stirred you the most? The police and government’s reaction to the murder of Jean Charles de Menezes. The words "a corporate failure" remain etched on my mind. I am appalled.

35. Who did you miss? Everyone I’ve managed to alienate in the last year. And in Prague, obviously I missed Jez and my family. I’ve missed Catherine since she went to uni.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Kindest, funniest, or downright strangest? Too many to mention - not just new friends in 2007, but people I knew before who I am now much closer to. That’s a nice feeling.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. I will consider my response to this and write a separate blog post about it. But I am beginning to realise just what a big responsiblity life can be.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Plusieurs indices m’ont mis la puce à l’oreille
J’ouvre l’oeil
J’vais faire une enquète pour en avoir le coeur net
Ca m’inquiète

Y a des détails qui trompent pas

Les draps la couette et la taie d’oreiller
Sont plus dépareillés
A coté de mes fringues en boule
Y a des vêtements pliés et repassés

Y a des détails qui trompent pas
J’crois qu’y a une fille qu’habite chez moi !

Deux brosses à dent dans la salle de bain
Du savon sans savon et le sèche-cheveux
C’est certainement pas le mien
Des petites boules bizarres
Pour parfumer la baignoire
C’est un vrai cauchemar
Quelqu’un a massacré tous mes amis cafards !

Dans la cuisine des sachets de thé
De verveine de camomille
Un message sur le répondeur d’une mère
Qu’est pas la mienne
V’là qu’elle s’en prend à ma famille !

Y a des détails qui trompent pas

Quelqu’un en douce a fait la vaiselle
Où sont mes habitudes mon ménage trimestriel ?
J’ouvre le frigo horreur c’est d’la folie !
Y a plein de légumes !
Y a même des fruits !

Y a des détails qui trompent pas
J’crois qu’y a une fille qu’habite chez moi !

Où sont mes potes qui glandaient devant la télé
Les boîtes de pizza les paquets de chips éventrés
Les mégots de cigarettes écrasés dans les assiettes
Ma collection de new look ? Aux oubliettes !

Sur la table de nuit y a plus de capotes mais de l’aspirine
Y a une fille qu’habite chez moi
Y a aussi des bougies contre l’odeur de la nicotine
Y a une fille qu’habite chez moi !

Y a des détails qui trompent pas

Y a un vrai rideau y a plus un drap cloué sur la fenêtre !
Qu’est-ce que c’est que ça ? Mon Dieu, c’est une plante verte !

L’aspirateur est encore chaud
C’est trop je porte plainte !
Je vais l’emmener au labo
Pour vérifier les empreintes

On dirait que je suis plus célibataire
La coupable je la tiens
Elle est devant l’étau se resserre
Accrochée au téléphone assise en tailleur
Dans une jolie robe à fleur
Une fille me dit "Arrête ton cinéma
Et le loyer j’le paye autant que toi !"

(Bénabar, Y a une fille qui habite chez moi)

I’ve hit about 6 top E flats today. That’s almost as good as Natalie Dessay who can hit a top A flat (yes, that’s about 75 leger lines above the stave).

It’s been a good day. I got into the chamber choir! I’m the only non music student, and the only new soprano. My friend Katie (who is far too nice to be a music student) tells me I should be proud of myself, so I am. I also have an interview for a job tomorrow, ok it’s only a crappy shop job but it’s at the Co-op, which sits well with me ethically. I couldn’t work in Tesco, it would be like sleeping with the enemy. I have business cards too, they’re red and lovely and under my name they say "A beautiful voice / A wide repertoire of songs / Perfect for your special day". I got the lady in central library to put one up on the noticeboard. (And noticed that we’re all using Vistaprint designs, bless us singers, we’re all as broke as each other!)

The audition for Candide was simply an audition to be in the show, I have to audition again for a part. I sang Quando m’en vo since it contains all those sexy high Bs (which were, thankfully, working very well). They were asking me to do a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a’s at the very top of my register, my top E just came out as a scream but I’d hit the E flat I need for the fabulous aria (see my previous post). They told me I’d be auditioning for a part within the next two weeks, so I’ve borrowed the music from the library to get a head start, and you know, it’s not as impossible as it sounds. Ok, there’s not much finesse at the moment, but I’ll get there.

Meanwhile, another situation is looking very very promising, but I don’t want to tempt fate by talking about it. You’ll find out soon enough. 

Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…It turned out to be something so unpronouncable that it made my head hurt even more. I know the Czech for Must. Drink. Coffee. Now. And that will do.

Czechs really know how to stare. I mean stare. Thankfully it was finally sunny enough this morning for me to wear my sunglasses, which as you may have guessed, I feel incomplete without. Add to that my fringe that covers half my face, and my ever-present earphones, and I was well on my way to being cocooned. But I just can’t work out why they stare so much. Is it just at me because I look so English? Or do they all stare at each other too, only I haven’t noticed it? It’s not a sneaky peek here and there, they’re not ashamed of staring at you, oh no, if they want to gawp at you, then gawp they will!

(I love Czechs by the way, I don’t want this to sound like a Xenophobic rant because it really isn’t. Czechs are great. One of my best friends in Manchester is Czech. They are typically very obliging and tolerant of my language skills and are very kind and smiley. I also enjoy the Czech sense of the absurd, more on this in later posts.)

Ended up in the pub across the road from the hotel last night. There are three pubs there and we went for the nice but slightly more expensive one. (I’ve realised that the only distinguishing feature of dieting Despina is that now she drinks white wine rather than beer when she goes out. In fact, two glasses of white wine for every beer she would have had, and then gets back to her flat and eats whatever rubbish she can find.*)

God, drinking makes me grumpy though! I should really stop, I was getting really ranty. ("Why are you all judging me! Sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend doesn’t make me a slag! I like my hair! Leonard Cohen would beat Shakespeare in a fight any day! You’re all freaks. Uhhh.") Then I got back to the flat at midnight-ish, Andrea and Kyne were playing cards, I sorted out my laundry, I think, then tried to pack for my two weeks in a plush apartment with Jez on the other side of town. Then I seem to remember calling Jez on my mobile for 20 minutes. It probably went something like this:

"allo mon cher!" (hic)

"hello… (sigh)… how are you?"

"Oui oui, ca va tres bien merci! Ale Jé-je, tu me manques! Mais ca ne fera pas longtemps que tu seras ici, dans mes…"

…and so on. As usually happens when I’ve been drinking, I spoke Despina French thoughout the entire converation. I also do it in taxis, based on the sound theory that taxi drivers hate French people less than English people, and in restaurants, based on the sound theory that a) the place is probably bugged and b) I can speak utter filth - only with such crap grammar that he just laughs. That poor man. I think he’s resigned himself to it now. The worst was when I started speaking "Frzech" to him, saying "tak" rather than "donc", "ale" rather than "mais", and negating all my verbs just by shoving "ne" on the front of them, which is correct in Czech but not so good in French! ("Qu-est-ce que t’as bu, cherie?")

So here I am at work, blogging whilst doing this proof-reading they’ve given me. Well, it’s not like they’re paying me. 

The lovely one will arrive at 10 tonight, and we will go off to our apartment in a nice part of town, where we will live for nearly two weeks. I’ve missed him so much, I’ve missed the part of myself that only he brings out. And the beauty of having a long time together means that we will actually be living together, not just trying to cram a load of touristy stuff into a 5-day visit. We can sit in bed watching DVDs. We can cook together, fill the place with flowers and candles if we wish, play our favourite music. We can be normal for a while.

But for now, some 19th century stomach-clamping forceps are calling me.

Ciao, D x

*Not actual rubbish. I wasn’t that drunk. I mean crisps, cheese, and whatever else I was eating. Grrrr.

***UPDATE Apparently I was giggling on and on about "calins adultes", a term I managed to coin, which roughly equates to what my friend Jen calls "a special hug for grown-ups". Oh dear. Jez, just don’t tell me any more***

I think I’ve finally decided what I’m going to do with my last year of uni. It’s a question of balance between the singing and the academic. Too little singing and not only will it be bad for my career in that I’ll get no experience and no-one will hear me, I may also shrivel up and die. Too much singing and I’ll either have a repeat of last November where I almost went crazy with rehearsals and coursework, or I’ll fail uni.

Firstly the academic stuff:

• No dissertation.
• Instead I’ll take Italian level 2, since that’s the only thing I’m very good at in uni, and do a project about something that interests me.
• Maybe begin learning Spanish on the side, if I can get it funded again.

Work experience:

• It’s not as glam as Prague, but I’m going to try and do some work in the media centre of the Alliance Francaise in Manchester. Which reminds me I should probably email them.
• Get a part-time library job. So I actually know what it’s all about.
• Be a personal assistant to the director of a show. Which basically means looking after his diary, and doing jobs he would rather delegate than do himself. The advantages of this are manifold for both of us: for me, experience, for him, relative sanity.
• No stupid shop-jobs. I’d rather put 9 hours a day towards passing the final year of my degree and having a good time doing my thing.

Then the singing stuff:

• Apparently a local cathedral choir is desperate for sopranos. They rehearse on Wednesday nights so it wouldn’t be a case of weekly sight-singing. I’ve been having withdrawal symptoms from Catholic mass, and to be involved in something so prestigious would be a brilliant experience for me. I could also fit it in around the other singing I do.
• No Bugsy Malone in November, even though my society at uni is doing it. I’ve got 3 concerts around that time, with different repertoire in each, and I’ll have a heavy workload too. So I’m contenting myself with being PA to the director.
• A cabaret and a lunchtime recital already booked for November. I stupidly undersold myself for the cabaret and am struggling to find a pianist. But I’m being heard again, after too many months away!
• Lots of singing with the wonderful opera group I’m in in Manchester. The standard is excellent as we are all proper singers, and because everyone is good, no-one is competing, and the atmosphere is productive and positive. Next concert in December.
• A part in Iolanthe in April 2008. I say a part, because I’m a good enough singer, and if I don’t get a part, there’s no point spending all that time and effort on a production that means nothing on my CV.
• See my singing teacher again, religiously. It’s so long since I saw her, I hope things will still be ok between us, and that she’ll understand I’ve been ill and stressed and busy and not had anything to work up to. We shall see.
• Will try to get my Wedding Singer business off the ground. I have a series of marketing strategies up my sleeve, so that I can actually earn from my singing instead of a few quid here and there. This would benefit me in so many ways.

And then in summer, hopefully I will graduate and have to face the real world! No, save me!

I woke up late this morning. So I disregarded the snooze and decided that if I was going to be late I might as well be properly late. (By the way, does anyone else find the word snooze a bit too surreal for the time of the day you usually see it? It looks like it’s spelt wrong or something, it looks like Czech, my favourite language - not.) Then I bummed about and had coffee and rice cakes and somehow got on the bus at 8:30 which meant I would actually arrive here at the museum for 9.

To shut out the crowd on the bus, I put on my CD of Special Music That makes Despina Go To Sleep (Michael Nyman string quartet 3, Schubert string quintet in C - both used to fantastic effect in the film Carrington - and some pieces from The blue notebook by Max Richter that just wash over you). I was sitting there with my eyes closed happily soaking up the gorgeous strings of Schubert, until suddenly my peace was disturbed by a tinny metal beat, eminating from the "personal" stereo of the girl across the aisle from me. I turned up the second movement Schubert and thought no more about it, but couldn’t help looking at this girl who was so grumpy-looking, and wondering what emotional benefits this angry music could possibly be giving her.

Then the Schubert crescendoed to dizzying heights of intensity. I closed my eyes and glorified in having a soul big enough to absorb this music and have a deep emotional response to it. The capacity to feel music so deeply that it changes my life is so precious to me. I don’t know why I love this particular piece of Schubert so much, but it is just so perfect, it moves me beyond tears. Perhaps it’s the slightly unpredictable tonality, the gentle repetition of the rhythms, and the balance of outpouring, drama and restraint. Well, just listen to it anyway.

Preparing to get off the bus, I opened my eyes, and found that the beautiful young couple sitting in front of me were smiling at me kindly. I hope that they’d picked up on my inner peace, and not just decided I was a mentalist.