The adventures of Miss Despina

I have a new job. A modelling job. For an art class…

Don’t ask me why, I just thought it sounded fun!

When I woke up at 7:30 this morning, I was stark naked in a strange bed, in a plush hotel just off Wenceslas Square.

Well, that got you listening!

No, the only reason I was starkers was because I’d stayed out all night and didn’t have a change of clothes. I met my friend O (my old schoolfriend who’s dead crazy) who was here with his mum, a lady who used to teach us, and another friend. When I arrived I think their intoxication levels were already quite high. We drank many G&Ts, ate at a great pub on Wenceslas Square, and went back and drank some more. This morning my worst fears about my behaviour were confirmed when O showed me a video clip in which I am singing Gounod’s Ave Maria and feeling myself suggestively. Then I looked through the sent messages on my phone and quickly sent Jez an apology for the explicit drunken text I’d sent him. But I don’t think he was that bothered really, he’s used to it!

I stayed for breakfast which was wonderful, so many different foods, including the most random item I’d ever seen on a breakfast table - artichoke hearts. Who eats those for breakfast? I stuck with my blue cheese and sausage sandwich and drank about six cups of strong coffee. I didn’t feel any less crappy after this, but at least I could keep my eyes open. Actually, I was incapable of blinking. So we had some more champagne and then we almost felt ready to face the world.

You know I said I was getting a wee bit chubby? Well, operation Shrinking Despina was not a success, which doesn’t really bother me, except that this morning I realised that my trousers had split. The sexy black trousers I’m wearing to kiss the naked man statue. A great big open 2 inch split on the left bumcheek. Now, whilst I do believe my bottom to be peachier and lovelier than the average bottom, I don’t want to walk around Prague with it hanging out for all to see!

Actually you know, today is the first time I’ve ever been sexually harrassed in Prague - well, if you don’t count the Italian bloke (which you shouldn’t, because sexual harrassment and true love are two very different things). Or the Sergei incident (shh)! Today I was crossing the road and a man with a dog started shouting something to me - the only words I understood were "you have" and "lovely". I didn’t know what he was describing, but from his gestures I could tell that there were two of them and they were round.

It was my last day at work today. I’ve realised that laughter, tears, and hugs know no language barriers. I didn’t want to get upset, but oops, I did. But I also know that I will stay in touch with a few people, especially the director - when I am in court for plagiarism and excessive blogging, Alena - who was my mum for three months, Jarka - who is just great, and Simon - who runs the medical museum, is eccentric and intellectual, and has a quirky, dry sense of humour that I adore.

I’m off to the airport now! Woohoo! Finally, the Jezmister is here!

My self-esteem has been all over the place this weekend. I’ve deepened existing friendships and met wonderful people just out of the blue. I’ve realised who my true friends are, and who the people are who just bother with me when there’s no-one else around.

I’ve been asking myself whether you can take back things you said, not because you didn’t mean them at the time, but because they’re no longer valid. I’ve been wondering whether some differences between people will always remain irreconsilable. I’ve been wishing I didn’t let people so far into my life, that I could put up walls like they do. I’ve been wishing I had a way of expressing myself other than shouting.

But it’s been a good weekend. I just had to get all those thoughts out of my system. Get comfy!

Train to Brno

I woke up at 5:30 on Saturday planning to get the 8 o’clock train to Brno. At 5:31 I thought feck this! and at 7:30 I got up, and caught the 9:54 to Brno. I had no idea which route we were taking or indeed how long it would take us. I was too busy enjoying the unusually plush compartment I’d somehow managed to get all to myself! Alas, the visit from the ticket inspector came all too soon. He barged into my carriage, 45, balding, fat and sweaty.

"Ohhhhh, slečno" (Mademoiselle) he said. A grave look spread over his face, as he asked to see my ticket again, and my ID. Shit, I thought, I’m going the wrong sodding way, I won’t be in Brno til 5 at this rate, I’ll have to get a train back to Prague from the middle of nowhere, and I’m braving it all without my phrase book… However, it turned out the problem was just that I was in first class when I should have been in second. To be honest I was more bothered by the fact he was standing there virtually slavvering over me, insisting on touching my face, kissing my hand, and telling me in Czech how pretty I was.

I couldn’t get out of there quickly enough!

Eventually found a seat in second class, far away, sharing a crowded carriage with a few young bronzed travellers, and a cuddly couple. She was a quiet, plump brunette about my age, and he was easily ten years older. Yes, I approve! They clearly adored each other, I saw the look on his face as she slept on his shoulder. Made me think about when Jez and I will take the train from Prague to Krakow, and all the hopes I have for that trip.

About two hours later, I got off the train with one of the bronzed travellers. We walked a way down the platform, wondering why we couldn’t see any famous monuments or anything. We quickly asked the J-D couple if we were in Brno. They laughed at us and motioned that we should get back on the train!

Brno

One hour later, we reached Brno. I was exhausted from trying a) not to fall asleep, and b) to speak Czech to the young guy who was actually Slovakian, (and looked startlingly like a friend of Jez’s)! I jumped on a tram, wandered around the centre, had a caffiene fix, started shaking, went in a church, felt better, then met up with Marghy, an Italian girl I met in my French class in February. I had a fantastic time with her and her friend Carlotta, walking the historical centre of Brno, learning all about the city and the history, and drinking beer and espresso with these two gorgeous Italians. Sadly, every time I tried to speak Italian, Czech started coming out, but this was only to be expected I suppose.

It meant a lot to me that they wanted to show me round, and like Marghy, I was really moved when we met up. She’s a classical musician, a very good clarinetist, who has played in all my favourite churches in Roma, but feels the need to do a "sensible" degree. She is so clever and lovely, I wish her all the luck in the world.

Memories

I felt nostalgic for our French lessons, our teacher Samir who was so smiling and encouraging and let us talk about anything, and all the lovely Erasmus students from all over the world. I remember our first lesson in January, comparing Christmas traditions. I told everyone about when we arrived at my boyfriend’s parents’ house for New Year, his mother gave us separate rooms, his brother cheated at Scrabble, and we saw a most unconvincing transvestite in the village pub.

"Oh, *Despina*…" he sighed (I don’t think he’s ever met anyone quite as folle as me!) "et qu’est-ce que t’as mangé?"

I couldn’t remember the word for venison, and made do with

"Le Bambi!"

He told me he would miss our class the most, and was so overjoyed when I sent him a postcard from Budapest, he phoned me up to thank me. (Except I thought it was someone from a call centre at first!)

Brno-Prague

I felt so sad when I got on the train to go back to Prague. The girls were off to Vienna at 6 a.m. so I didn’t want to stay there too long. Thankfully, for a small charge I could upgrade to a train that would get me home by midnight. I sat myself down in a carriage with a Czech woman and another guy and asked them both of I had to make a reservation to sit here. The woman didn’t know and the guy said in English that he didn’t speak Czech and was glad to hear someone speaking English. We spoke English for a little while but then he ran out of words and said that although he was Brazilian, he’d been living in France for the last year. We switched to French, and talked all the way back to Prague, apart from a brief sleep. He saved me from my own company and the dark places in my mind. A really cheerful, open, funny person, a cinema student, and a musician with a love of traditional Brazilian percussion, the Beatles, and Yann Tiersen.

Bad Samaritan

I found out a lot about him, including that he was only in Prague for two days, had no map, no plans, and nowhere to stay. The friend he had been planning to stay with had not been in touch, and when he finally made contact the guy was in a bar and not making much sense. We arrived at the main station, and I said he would be able to stay at my hostel. A bus and a metro later, we were in my hostel where I was shocked by the nighty rate they quoted. I asked the girl to "re-think" but the figure was still too much. I couldn’t share my room with him, as much as I wanted to help. I felt so bad as I put him back on the night bus, but he insited, "non, non, arrete de parler comme ca, tu m’as aidé" - I still felt rotten though, as he went off to meet a friend of a friend in a strange city and sleep on a floor somewhere.

Despina Tours

The next day, I met him at 2:30 at "the horse" (the statue on Wenceslas Square). Sadly after having had such a negative impression of Prague, he’d booked his ticket to Germany for 8 the following morning, and was clearly very tired. He’d also had his phone robbed on the metro - I felt so guilty, no wonder he wanted to leave! I had only a few hours to change his opinion of Prague, and get him out of what he coined "le centre moche" - the ugly centre - a term of which I approve!

We walked to the Old Town Square and watched the famous clock chime the hour, saw the skeleton ringing the bell, the statues moving and the apostles appearing at the windows. We crossed the Charles Bridge and caught a tram up to the castle, where we managed to catch the changing of the guard and marvel at the panoramic views and les toits rouges (red roofs), then we walked down to the Malá Strana, drank espresso and said goodbye.

I hoped he would meet me in the evening, not simply because I enjoyed his company and we had so much in common, but also because I don’t think you can say you’ve seen Prague until you’ve seen it at night. If only he’d stayed another day, he could have seen Kampa, Vyšehrad, Josefov, and all the other parts of Prague. In the end we didn’t meet. I hope he’ll always have a good memory of the city, even if we never speak again. I don’t even have a photo of him, maybe I made it all up. It just feels so incomplete, I want a proper chance to thank the person who saved my self-esteem.

Back down to earth

Spent last night watching a film with M, with a curry and a beer- it’s amazing, you just walk down to the pub with a 2 litre water bottle, and they fill it with beer for the price of one pint in a British pub! Bless you M, you’re a special person and I’m lucky that you came out here with me, otherwise I might possibly be going mad. Tonight I think it’s pizza and Frasier, with plans to go the Bollywood night at the open air cinema in the middle of the river.

Something to look foward to

One of my craziest friends arrives here on Friday. He’s stuck in a tedious job saving up to go back to uni for his PhD and is in need of a holiday, so I’m going to use my newly acquired tourism expertise and make sure he has a brilliant time. Then next week I’m going to Olomouc (nice town a few hours from Prague) for two days, and meeting up with someone rather special when I get back. I can’t tell you how excited I am about meeting up with this lady, who is the only other person I’ve ever known with my first name (are you all curious now?) and who lives in Prague. I finally tracked her down - through good old facebook - and she comes back from her holidays next week. And she has asked me to do possibly the most special singing gig I could ever hope to do…

But that’s all I’m saying.

x D x

What do you do when:

• You accidentally have a sex dream about someone who is a good friend and a great guy but you find them physically repulsive?
• Someone you are friends with clearly doesn’t mind sharing, as long as it’s only things that are important to you (I don’t mean food etc) that are being shared?
• You realise you’re running out of time to do what you want to do?
• There’s a language you really hate but actually have to learn?
• You have the choice between two days in Brno or a day in Dresden?
• You keep being late for work, but don’t want to admit to your colleagues the exact reason why you’re finding it hard to get out of bed?
• The prospect of sex is so far in the distance you’re scared you’ll have forgotten how to do it?
• You go back on a decision you’ve made concerning someone else but you don’t have the balls to tell them?
• You can’t stop worrying about everything?
• September brings the promise of so many new challenges it’s a question of what to leave out?
• You can’t stop thinking about this horrendous sex-dream? (AAAArgh get away from me! Put the hat stand down!)

(I’m asking the blogosphere simply because none of these people read me!)

Also, does anyone have a suggestion for an easy to use software package or blog host that I can use to do some serious blog-pimping? Sick of blogsome, and also of my complete lack of skillz!

Meanwhile, in the real world, Plzeň is a nice place to spend a day, except for when you’re dressed for the sun and it starts raining! I’ve booked a hostel in Olomouc in two weeks’ time, I’ll be spending a couple of days there, and hopefully finding time to pop across to Brno and see a friend there. I have a mad idea for tomorrow. It involves going to Dresden… I’ve never been to Germany! Oh, and also I don’t speak much German. Maybe I’ll stun them with my Czech? Nah, maybe not! The only thing I can do wth any confidence in German is order cake! Hang on, actually, that’s all I need to do…

***UPDATE: I chose Brno! I’m getting up at 5! Going to the pictures now to watch Venus, will report back if it’s any good!***